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Warning: Long, long, fairly directionless, throught-purging entry. Only read if you care/ have time.

I've been away from Salisbury since Thursday and I cannot think of single thing that would make me want to go back. Now, that's pretty sad considering all of my friends are there and James Bond the kitten is there and I'm striding through my senior year of a college there. What is it? What is it about a place that can alter your entire being completely? I just drive into Salisbury and my mood dampens.

Never thought I'd so desperately want to dwell in the cozy little antique, cow corner that is Waxhaw, North Carolina.

But, I say all this having just received an e-mail from my dad about a friend of a friend whose son has Chronic Pancreatitis and will be going in Jan. 11th to have his pancrease, spleen, and appendix removed. I wonder why I've ever complained about anything. Keep him in your prayers. His name is Otto Kleiman.

On Love
I've been reading my Love and Respect book. Thus far, it hasn't said much I didn't already know. There are some cute but oversimplified metaphors on pink and blue sunglasses and how men and women can only see through their respectively colored lenses. It has confirmed for me that most men get to a point of seeming unemotional when they're really not. I feel less alone in my skepticism toward love... which is nice. Otherwise, it's pretty obvious to me that love is an enigma never to be decoded via self-help books.

In other news, I spent half of my weekend with the boy's parents and grew to love them dearly. Parents are a tough obstacle in relationships. If parents on either side are the least bit dissatisfied with their offspring's mate of choice, conflict will inevitably occur. Lucky for me, my parents adore my boyfriend and... his parents seem to be pretty okay with me. :) Or here's hopin'.

The holidays will forever heighten my romantic emotions. To be lonely during the holidays is to be utterly lonely. And to be loved during the holidays is to be completely blissful. The pie tastes sweeter and the tree seems brighter and the air seems crisper knowing that you have someone to kiss under the mistletoe who isn't kissing you purely because of the mistletoe. I am anxious to have my first real holiday with my other half. Although we'll be apart over Thanksgiving, I feel that Christmas and New Years will be much more cheerful than they've ever been.

On Jesus
I went to church yesterday. I'm ashamed to say how long it's been since I'd gone to church. When I come home, I can just feel the presence of God in my house. And a lot of this has to do with the shear faith of my parents. Their convictions are strong and it rubs off on me. So, how do I transfer that demeanor to my Salisbury home where nonbelievers seem to outweigh... everything?

Last week, a boy said, "Anyone who knows me knows that I'm in no way a Christian. But, I certainly respect their religion." Actions speak louder than words, kid. Funny how a person can completely demolish what they're saying by attitude alone.

People say that you can't be in theatre and maintain a Christian lifestyle. Well, how am I supposed to grow in my faith if I am enforcing that handicap? I'm not. So, here's to me being a Christian and an actor.

No, no. Here's to me living through God on every level first and therein being an actor. I've got to stop waiting for other people to bring out the Christian in me when I am fully capable of doing it myself.

On Health
I met ALL of my goals last week. I've officially gone a week without Diet Coke. I've been drinking water out the wazoo. I made a smoothie!

I've been eating a lot. It's mostly been Abs Diet friendly foods. But, it just feels like a lot. And going out of town on weekends completely destroys my workout regimen. So, I've got to figure out an on-the-road workout plan that I can do when Chris is in class and I'm at Elon. And I fear what the holiday break will do to my body, for sure.

My scale here at home says I weigh about seven lbs less than I do according to my scale in Salisbury. Hm.

I'm starting a 30 Day Challenge today just to make sure I'm on the right track.

In Closing
Our pastor said yesterday that people who can find joy in joyless things are some of the most delighted, warm, and content characters we have. I want to be one of those people. I'm not. But, I want to. I struggle with being apart from Chris and I fear the future. And constantly, he has to remind me that this is a mere blip in the long run. When I will become the person who says, "Yeah. It sucks. But the good thing is..." ?

It's not naive positivity and hopeless, blind optimism that I'm looking for, here.

I'm looking to praise whatever is on my plate because at least there's something on it.